Thursday, January 15, 2015

DISCLAIMER: Habaneros are spicy, yet delicious. Additionally, I don't care what you think about me.

In regards to the blunt nature of my blog:

I’m not looking for sympathy, encouragement, and I’m especially not searching for some insincere compliment about my intelligence, drive, and so forth. Not that compliments (genuine, of course) and encouragements are not appreciated, they truly are. But I’m not publicly baring my insecurities, frustrations, humiliations, and perceived life failures in order to have people pretend to give a damn for five seconds.  I write because I no longer want to be shackled by this. I don’t want this shame I feel for not having my life together to hold me back for another day. I’m owning this. Judge away, snicker behind my back, and gossip about me and my lack of successes. But I’m owning this, so it stops owning me. Yes, I am distraught, I am struggling, and my life is pretty on par with Kristen Wiig’s character in Bridesmaids, but --god damnit-- I am not pretending its anything else. Also, I like to write. 


I’ve been reading blogs, and articles about depression, unemployment and of course articles about how the two go together like habaneros and distilled vinegar. These are the main ingredients for hot sauce, if you did not put that together. My favourite pepper- so flavorful and adds a nice kick. Not for faint taste buds. Personally, I don't find it that spicy. The heat has a gradual rise, but it's not overwhelming, nor does it mask the flavor of what you're eating, or the flavor of the pepper itself. 

Taking care of yourself physically and mentally goes on the back burner when confronted with life traumas, unemployment, bouts of depression, et cetera. When getting out of bed takes a couple hours of mental preparation and emotional stretching, making a healthy meal and finding your way to yoga seems as daunting as climbing Mount Everest in a teeny, weeny, yellow polka dot bikini. 

Start slow. Don't expect to change your habits overnight, and turn into Jane Fonda (YEAH! DATED REFERENCE!!!) by the end of the work week. For those that have work weeks, that is.  My immediate goal is to force myself to do light exercise everyday, or at least every other day. 45 minutes on an elliptical, maybe a round of weights, or even a walk. Exercise has amazing health benefits, and it saves you money from having to buy new clothes if you cannot fit into your old ones. Unfortunately, yoga pants are not acceptable everywhere, and eventually regular everyday life will include trousers with non-elastic waistbands. But seriously, the health benefits are almost Harry Potter like magic. Promotes healthier sleep, increased energy, clears up your skin, helps with digestion, and even improves mood, to name a few. 

If you make it to the gym, or take a small walk around the block, congratulate yourself. You don't need to be a marathon runner to be active and improve your health. Remember to celebrate the small victories. The most monumental changes that you will personally go through in personal development (or maybe its just me) will often seem insignificant to anyone else. It could be taking the stairs up to the second floor instead of an elevator. Perhaps its putting on an iota makeup after weeks of neglecting your appearance. Perhaps its picking up a book for the first time in months to read for pleasure. Perhaps its admitting that you live in Airdrie, Alberta for the first time while you start your life completely over. Celebrate it. At the very least sit back, take a deep breath, silently congratulate yourself and emit a half smile. Yes, you did it. Don't let anyone take that away from you. It IS a big deal, and if they don't understand it then maybe they can just go to hell, or Idaho. 

On the opposite end, do not berate yourself for any minor setbacks. As I mentioned, I'm trying to cut out sugar. Last night I found myself eating hazelnut chocolate seashells in bed while watching 30 Rock at 1:30am. I also woke up to one melted to the bottom of my Macbook. Yes, I did slip. Pretty quickly at that (LIKE  RIGHT AWAY), but I also only had a couple and ate sugar free all day prior to that. I also did not have a diet coke, which is my biggest addiction in life.  AND YES. I KNOW SODA IS TERRIBLE FOR ME- THAT'S WHY I'M TRYING TO CUT IT OUT. SO FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, IF ONE MORE PERSON GETS ON THEIR SOAP BOX TO TELL ME ABOUT ASPARTAME, I WILL VERBALLY RIP YOU A NEW ASSHOLE.

Day 1 of the fight for a better life summary: I ate sugar. I drank 4 cups of coffee. I did zero exercise. I left the house. I had chocolate. I cried once. 

Most importantly, I opened up. 


  1. When I first moved to LA and was under-employed and running out of money, I was so stressed out and anxious that I made myself nauseous. I literally was taking Dramamine during the day just so I could make it through my low paying temp job. After crying to my dad on the phone, his suggestion was exercise. His exact advice: it's hard to be stressed out when you're out of breath. So I started swimming everyday, just 15-20 minutes or so. It did wonders.

    Also, drink diet caffeine-free diet coke. It's apparently better for you than juice.

    1. Yeah, I'm forcing myself to at the very least do an hour on an exercise bike while reading. I'm hoping to push myself into something a little more intense, but for now at least I'm doing something. Stellar advice from your dad!

      So I miss Diet Coke more than a Hobbit misses the Shire, but the general idea is not to cut out caffeine (which is something i should do- but won't), I'm trying to cut down on sugars and sweeteners. It's been over a week since I've had one, I think it's time to give in…once a week isn't too bad...